Fiance & I can't agree on where to live and im terrified it will cause us to resent each other! Advice?
Im 27 and have been with my fiance for almost 2yrs, engaged 3 months. He is a 35yo detective who lives in Hawaii, He is originally from NJ but moved there 6yrs ago, We met when i went there for work and we've been together since even though its been really hard without him. We usually visit each other really often but i mostly spend alot of time at his place. I understand that he is not willing to leave his job & he loves living there but i was born & raised in NY and love the 'busy city life' & my job, Although i could get a job there it would be a sort of 'down grade' to what i've worked for here. We want to get married next summer & he always tells me how happy i've made him & that he's miserable without me, I'm thinking of just giving in to what he want as i love him so much & that he may be worth the move. I know it may seem like a stupid thing to debate about but its really doing my head in, Any advice/opinions?
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it is the traditional thing for a woman to go to where the man lives and works. women tend to be better able to adjust to new places and lifestyles than men are. they tend to be really resentful if they have to give up their lives to follow a woman.
You can either sacrifice your wishes and move to Hawaii or not get married.
If you really love him and want to be with him, go for it. Sometimes being with the man you marry takes compromises and sacrifices on us women. You can always work your way up in a different setting.
If you're dead set on staying and not moving nor can agree, you're better off not getting married.
I have a similar situation although I'm a guy. I'm planning on getting married next year and my girlfriend currently lives in NYC. I live in Dallas but have lived all over the place, including Washington, DC. I prefer the south to the East coast so I would prefer not to move to NYC. HOWEVER, I work in a job where I can work from home so I'm much more flexible to move someplace than she is because she works in interior design/fashion industry. I own a home already in Dallas though and she rents a studio apartment in Manhattan. Where do we live?
I don't know. We are still trying to figure it out.
I think Hawaii is a nice place to visit, but not really a place that I would want to live. A friend of mine finished up getting her nursing degree out there and and got a job on the main island. I was always afraid for her living out in the middle of nowhere. She adjusted to the life and stayed there for 15 years. She even had her name changed from Edna to Kikikipa. She would never tell me want it meant. She was from NYC, born on City Island,Bx. I was happy when she returned to the mainland and is now living in Denver, Colorado. The main island is just like the city, very populous and very busy. I just feared her living on a volcano and could never get that out of my mind. It's all part of the "Ring of Fire" and as the way things have been going, it is all about to become active with nowhere to go! It can be Paradise, but, also Hell. I don't mean to put any fear into you. It is truly a beautiful place, but, not a place that I want want to live. As far as City Life, they have it! The clubs, the night-life and the crowded streets. I forgot you have been to his place, so, you have some idea of what it would be like. A really tuff choice to make! If it where anywhere but Hawaii, I would say go!
I'm not sure what island he lives on, but if it's Oahu you can definitely get the big city feel! It may not be like New York, but I think it would be enough to get you through.
Just remember that no matter where you move, it doesn't have to be permanent! You can always choose to move somewhere else later.