What should I do (Life question)?
Well I basically feel like I'm dead inside. I'm 23 now.. Fell on really rough times and had a hard childhood. I just have my mom that is there for me but that's about it. Depression has caused me to lose all my friends because I stop talking to them and never want to hang out. I am a very shy, socially awkward person.
It's a miracle im still alive. I really have no DRIVE at all. I try to push out an ounce of determination but always give up (it's sort of like trying to quit smoking but how you always go back). I have an online job that was making me a pretty good deal of money until recently and business has been very slow and I have rent coming up. I even got to go to Hawaii for a vacation.. which was pretty stupid because I needed a car but I wanted to experiences something magnificent and I did.
Now the really BIG thing that holds me back is I have a felony. When I was 18 I made the mistake of taking money from my moms fiance to give to her because he was kicking us all out on the street for no reason at all.. and I did and was convicted. It's the only time I had ever been in trouble and the only time I ever plan on getting in trouble. Suspended sentence and 5 years probation (due to get off in July but I won't have court fee's paid off so it will be extended.
I'm a fairly intelligent guy. My only real skill is in computers. College is out of the option. I can't just live off the Pell Grant as I would need a ***** of alot more money and no one would hire me anyways since I have a felony. At least not here. TRUST me. I've tried. I ace every interview until they ask about the felony and then BAM I'm rejected. When I was 16 I attempted suicide and I guess you could say I felt like I died then..
I've tried anti-depressants, counseling, etc. Is there anything I can do?
Let's say I have
No self-determination
Rarely ever happy (severe depression)
Some medical problems (severe back pain and is very debilitating)
Felony- Theft
Probation
I'm not looking for self-pity or anything but just asking for some help if you've ever been in a similar situation. Sorry it's so long.
I'll give you a lookie-loo of my DOC page.
$
P.S. Please do not say anything about religion. I am already religious (not to sound petty)
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Comments
Try anyway. Most jobs ask if you have a felony and allow you to explain in a space if you have a felony. Just write something that makes it sound presentable. Also dress nice. My cousin is a felon & she got a job at dairy queen so it isn't impossible. Just keep TRYING. In fact it isn't impossible so just DO it.
That sounds awful! I think that you need to get out and find a supporting group of friends and also look for something that really interests you. Find something you are passionate about and don't stop pursuing it. I've never been in your situation, but I have dealt with severe depression and the best thing you can do when you're depressed is to force yourself out of your shell and get friends and hobbies. Do stuff even when you aren't in the mood. For me, I got into running to make me feel better, and I hung out with people who also liked to run. Sharing mutual interests with friends goes a long way in making life feel worth living. I hope you make it through this. I would give you advice on how to pay your rent and everything, but I'm only 16 so I don't know much about making money. I wish I could help more, but maybe you could tell a counselor more about this if you haven't already. Feel better!
Dear Eric —
Thank you for sharing your document page — which indicates a very attractive, bright and sensitive young man, with what can be a beautiful life ahead. Fortunately your talent with computers is very appropriate in today's world, as your profession indicates. And remember, not everyone is geared for competition — a difficult reality in a country as competitive as ours. But it is perfectly fine not to be "at the top" but simply to be satisfied with an ordinary, reasonably paying job — if that's what you enjoy.
On an emotional level, I think that perhaps you would find volunteer service very satisfying, in addition to your professional activities. Search on Google for "Volunteering [in your community". I am fairly certain this will lift your depression much more effectively that anti-depressants.
Best of luck to you.